I Guess the name "Tiger" is appropriate after all!

You're only sorry now that you got caught!

On the Inside

I decided that if we could all read each other's minds we would all be a lot more confident in ourselves. If you think about it that's kind of obvious. But what I mean is that people would realize that other people are way less confident in themselves than they think. And other people think a lot more of you than you expect. So I think it's safe to assume that all people are insecure and most people like me. If that's not the case, well I don't see how it could hurt to think that way.

A love poem

I wrote a love poem for class. Here it is:

Dear Wiener,
Do you see what I see? A pristinely shaped pup of the perfect slender size. You are peerless. Your lengthy bod was created for napping by my side. I shall feel your floppy felt ears when I ponder things like your baby beating heart. You are so small! When you walk you trot, when you run you fly. Your mini peg legs and chewy cookie paws barely keep up with your wandering browns that see only blacks, whites, and grays. You speak with your eyes but your stunted turtle tail tells all of your secrets. Precious wiener, if you were mine I’d hold your body close and your secrets closer. I want you by my side.

Where There's a Will, There's a Way

So here's a great story.
I mean, if it wasn't it wouldn't be in my blog.

Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival. It was a 3 day event in San Francisco located in the Golden Gate Park. Tickets were $90 a day or $225 for all three days. Bands such as Incubus, Jason Mraz, M.I.A., Dave Matthews Band, Black Eyed Peas, Zion I, Portugal. The Man, Pearl Jam, Modest Mouse, and Tenacious D were there, among countless others. I really wanted to see Portugal. The Man, but needless to say I would never pay $90 for a concert at this point in my life. I would, however, try to sneak in.

Mika Abogado was my trustee sidekick. She had her KTVU badge, I had my older sister's old press badge for Silicon Valley Newspapers, and we both had our ethics...right up until it came time to tell tons of lies to tons of people.

We both wore purple shirts, which was kind of a mistake because we were not very conspicuous. Anyway, we began at the main entrance.

First we planned to just walk by the ticket-checkers as they were checking other people's tickets. This did not work because a large man was standing there whose only job was to watch for people like us. He stopped many people and forced them to show their ticket again if he didn't see it the first time. We thought we might get by as they weren't even scanning tickets electronically. People were just flashing their internet-printed paper tickets to the guards. So easy to photocopy! Unfortunately, we were photo-copier free.

Our second attempt was to straight up ask the guards to let us in after showing him our press badges. This failed as he told us to go to the ticket office to get our credentials.

So we followed his advice and went to the ticket office. This was our 3rd attempt. We showed a young man our press badges and asked him for tickets. He told us to go to will call.

So we went to will call, our 4th encounter. We talked to the "press" guy who was giving out entry wristbands. Mika gave him her ID and told him we were on the list. He checked 3 separate lists several times but obviously didn't find our names. He did not budge and claimed he "only had enough wristbands for the people listed."

This brought us to the same young man in the ticket office. Our 5th attempt. We told him that the man at will call told us to pick up our tickets from the ticket office. We just plain lied to him. He did not believe us. "He told you that? For me to just give you tickets?" "Yes," I replied. He then told Mika and me to meet him over at will call and we will all figure this out together: Mika, will call man, ticket office guy, and me.

So we bailed.

While trying to figure out what to do, we then made the mistake of meandering around in plain sight in our purple shirts right in front of both guys we just ditched. Luckily they didn't chase us out.

So next we contemplated going to the volunteer table and telling them we were volunteers. We decided that was a bad idea. So then we go to the info booth and ask for directions to another entrance. The guy was confused because we were at one entrance already, and the next one would take 20 minutes to walk to. We thanked him and took off for the alternate entrance.

At this entrance, there were people who were actually scanning tickets which looked a little more official, which in turn scared us more. (The whole time we were practically peeing in our pants so nervous.) So first we go up to VIP entrance (which is right next to the normal one) and tell the lady that we are with the press and "they" told us to enter at VIP. (We used the word "they" a lot.) She told us we needed tickets to enter. Failed 6th attempt.

So this was our last leg here. If we didn't get in at this entrance, we would have to walk to the 3rd entrance another 20 minutes away.

We decided to just go for it.

We scoped out the youngest, dumbest-looking male who was scanning tickets. I went first. A girl checked my bag, then I proceeded to the ticket scanner boy. I flashed my press pass to him and told us "this is where they told us to enter for media." He looked at my press pass, looked up at me and said, "Ok," while kind of shrugging and waving me on. I then get wide-eyed and look back at Mika while trying not to smile too big. She was in the process of pouring out her water bottle (since you can't bring in liquids) and said, "I'm with her!" while pointing at me and trying to rush through the security phase of pouring out her water.

Success is sweet.

So we celebrate quietly and rush to the near-by porta-potties because we have been on the brink of wetting our pants for about 2 hours. We talk to each other while in the stalls and decide we should have waited to pee since we entered without tickets right in front of the VIP lady who told us we needed tickets to enter. Luckily, when we exited the stalls, no police waited to escort us off the premises.

Portugal. The Man was sweet.
Black Eyed Peas were off the hook.

What did I learn?
See also: title of this post.

What else did I learn?
Anything is possible with confidence.

Extra fun facts about this experience:
The picture of me is right when we got in, and I'm really excited and calling my family to brag.
The picture at the top is from the Black Eyed Peas show.
The picture below is from the official website, showing the thousands of people at the concert. It was an insane amount of people.
Mika and I took turns "talking" to people. We were so nervous the whole time that neither of us wanted to talk and be put on the spot for fear of getting caught in our lies, so we decided to take turns.
From the beginning, we planned on targeting young, dumb-looking, males. (Slightly insulting, I know.) So we only approached men, never women. The younger, the better. Obviously, it worked!

Outside Lands...cheayuhh

Here are a few pictures I took at the concert.

New Post

This blog will soon be updated with a great story.
Check back in 3-7 days.

The Ugly [fat] Truth

Last night, I was watching the Lifetime channel with my mom and sister, and we saw this show in which Nikki Blonski (from Hairspray) starred. It was based off of a true story where a fat girl was nominated for homecoming queen as a joke, but the fat girl decided to stay in the race as a protest. [And whaddya know, she ended up winning!] In the show, Blonski’s character is interviewed by a newspaper journalist and says that she doesn’t think it is right that she is alienated for being fat. During this interview, it shows flashes of her over-eating, bingeing on junk food. This is where I have a problem. I propose: is it politically incorrect to alienate a pot-head? No. Is it incorrect to send a drunkard to rehab? No. If Lifetime wants to teach people a life lesson to not make fun of fat people, well I think they are doing it all wrong. Just as pot-heads and alcoholics, Blonski’s character had an unhealthy addiction: food and sedentary lifestyle. Adults send adults to rehab to show the people they love how they are destroying their bodies. Teenagers make fun of other teenagers who are fat, and that is how they communicate. So if it were up to me, Blonski cannot complain about being fat and being alienated until she stops over-eating and jumps on a treadmill. I don’t expect to sit around smoking pot on the daily and then cry and call it inappropriate when people call me a pothead. Sorry.*

*Disclaimer: I encourage health. I do not condone anorexia nor bulimia, etc. Some people can never be “skinny” but all people can be healthy. Turn that fat into muscle, girl!

Fireflies - Owl City

I am going to name my weiner dog Ludwig

Great music.
Opens the credits of my favorite movie, "The Fall."

Grow a pair, if you will.

I was watching a behind-the-scenes kind of thing on MTV about "The Real World," and one of the producers was talking about meeting Coral for a casting interview. She said, "I remember meeting Coral for the first time. She was so intimidating because she was so confident."

I have heard this statement before
"She's so intimidating because she's so confident."
If I could mold this green planet called Earth to my liking,
people wouldn't be afraid of the people
who aren't afraid to be themselves.

WTFWHDD?

The gayest commercial ever made?


I especially love how the phrase is used.

Moral of the story
{When in a pickle, just ask yourself:
Wtf would Hilary Duff do?}

We Must find a Way

The dinosaurs disappeared because they could not adapt to their changing environment. We shall disappear if we cannot adapt to an environment that now contains spaceships, computers — and thermonuclear weapons.

ARTHUR C. CLARKE, forward, Collected Stories

I make Art

You can see it here

A picture of him and me

For all those who love to add captions under your photos of yourselves, here's a small educational tip:

Wrong: A picture of my shirt and I.

Right: A picture of my shirt and me.

GET IT RIGHT.

In case you didn't know

Dante Basco (in the picture from yesterday) is Rufio from the movie Hook.

He even did his "rooster call" for us!

Dreams do Come True

I almost did not get in,
and thus almost proceeded to cry.
Then, I almost cried again
when I took this picture.
So nervous.

Click to see full size.

You know it's going to be a good day when you open your yogurt and it doesn't, despite your best efforts, squirt all over you.

What's a day in the life of Susie Condon like?
I'll tell you.


Enter the restaurant formerly known as Garden Grille.
"Hi, can I have this to-go please?"
Points to food selection.
"Sure. How's your day going?"
"Umm well the weather is nice, so that's always good."
"You don't sound too enthusiastic."
[End scene]

Why, I ask, on this green Earth, do people
expect enthusiasm all the time? I don't get it.
I don't even know this person, and they are
already insulting me.
If you know me, you probably know
that I get that response a lot.
Well I'm not used to it yet and I will not un-curb my enthusiasm!!

Buy One Get One Free

People whom I don't appreciate are people who treat life as it is with "buy one get one free" coupons. They live in the manner of: You do this favor for me, and I'll do a favor for you of equal or lesser value.
In my opinion
(which goes without stating because,
well, this is my blog)
this is not attractive.

In other thoughts...
One time I turned on the television just for noise and what came on was this movie on HBO. I don't even know what movie it was, but from the speakers I heard the most badass quote.
Let me set up the scene for you:
A daughter was being rude to her mother at the dinner table in front of the whole family and their spouses. She was saying that her mother should just be put into an elderly home because she is just "too weak." Also, it's like the 1940s or 30s.
The mom replied with:
"The only thing that I regret is that I have not the strength to give you the beating you deserve."
Ha! You go Momma!

In even more thoughts:
In the words of Eminem,
"If you take sh**, you eat sh**."
Well said, Sir. Well said.

Why Opposable Thumbs?

Because that is the only thing
that separates some of us
from the rest of the planet,
and therefore we evolve into making blogs.


And yes, I'm aware that some
non-homo sapiens have opposable thumbs.

Unsettling/WTH?

The fact that black people is even an option
is slightly racist, no?
And the first person's remark is just plain
unsettling.
This just topped my great day off.

In addition,
the fact that "FML"
is a new fad
is ridiculous.
If you really don't want to be here,
then you should probably just
end things now and make some room
on this here planet.

Not My Friend

Some guy in my philosophy class today
"raised the roof"
...to CandyLand
(yeah, the board game).
What?

P.S. - A girl broke her wrist
in soccer class today and as soon
as it happened she simply said,
"Oh, I broke my wrist."
Epic!

Sweet, right?

This is my dream set of decks to sit upon my wall
(Past and future presidents)

Meh.

Most reprehensible expression in today's American society?
See also: title of this post.

Potential Rapist

Today I have been sexually violated over the World Wide Web.
I posted a video on YouTube

And a stranger sent me this private message:
"hey i was watching your video and you seem really strong! could you make a quick video of yourself flexing your arms?"
Now, I've seen this on Oprah.
Next he will ask me to take off my shirt,
then my pants.
This is a sick individual
and I will not fall for his (or her?) tricks!
One small step for Oprah, one giant leap for mankind.

Unrelated information:
My song of choice at the moment you wonder?

Starry Eyes - nickasaur!

The Bird

Today was a first.
While there was some slight confusion at a stop sign today,
I took my rightful turn
And as soon as I know it
Some girl is givin' me the bird out her window.
What if I was some old lady..
the would be effed up!
Moral of the story,
I can never think of an instance where
flippin' the bird is the right and classy
thing to do.
I bet that girl went home
and drank Milwaukee's Best
by herself on her porch tonight.
Skank.

Friendship

This week in my philosophy class, a question was proposed:
What is friendship?

I once had a "friend" who used me.
But in return, I used my friend.
We both thought the other one didn't know.
(She totally didn't.)
You see, she had a pool.
And any person who lets me swim in their pool
is a true friend of mine.
Except if they turn on you
forever because of certain insecurities.
Whatever, at least I got to go swimming a few times.

Blonde Beauty

A certain blonde beauty and I were at an event today
when we both spotted a girl wearing blue Ugg boots.
No.

"I'm putting that in my blog"

Part of the reason why I made a blog was so I could say, "I'm putting that in my blog."
Part of the reason why I made a blog was so I could talk about myself.

One night, a friend of mine looked at a young male with a patterned shirt and said, "Look at textile man."
My reply?
"Couldn't you say that about everyone?"

Do you know what I dislike?
Being on duty.
Do you know what I hate?
Being on duty twice in one week.

Who does that?

The girl who made my sandwich at the Avenue today was no fun.
You know how I know?
She cut my sandwich vertically.
Who does that?


A girl in my English class said her favorite author is Shakespeare.
Please just get on your knees for the teacher on the first day!
Really though, who does that?

Why?

There are pictures at the top of this blog.

I am in them.

Why?

Because this blog is about me.

What's the Hizzy?

This is my blog.

It's about me because that's what blogs are:
the only socially accepted way to talk only about oneself
...all the time.
Begin.